The home of Cetera Noir and his band Die Hard Cafe

Sunday, December 26, 2010

wonder boy in monster land has the best characters


the solution to the water crisis

this pretty much represents my moms house

i totally forgot to take a pic of the freezer.  just imagine a walk-in in freezer, packed into an average family freezer.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

this pretty much represents my job

this pretty much represents my job

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

my touhou birthday cake by samantha


awesome.
thanks to sam for making this for me!
she knows im a big nerd for the japanese shrine maidens i guess.
reimu hakurei has never been so tasty. or has she?

Sunday, November 28, 2010

a treatise on the reformation of back seat gamers

originally from theshizz.org

Back-seat-gaming, or BSG, is a scourge on mankind that should never be allowed to continue.
BSG is a disgrace to humanity as an enlightened and superior being, and moreover it is a violation of the sacred gamer code of conduct.
we must never let the BSG win.
and it is our shizzie duty as leaders to teach them - however harsh a lesson it may be.

the BSG must be reformed to join polite society and recognize that group gaming is about sharing.
sharing is a lesson taught in kindergarten. but there are many who never actually understand it. these people become the bullies, transients, and psychopaths of the world. BSG is just one manifestation of their disease.

from now on, we must be open and honest about BSG. we must talk about it with our friends and family.
this means looking past social courtesies and avoidance of drama with a greater good in mind.
sometimes being a trailblazer is a thankless job. and many of us may fall into martyrdom in this war.

if BSG is happening, it is imperative that it is a called out before it has a chance to propagate.
BSG are like dogs. they bark to get what they want naturally, but if the bark is left unchecked or unpunished, a precedent is established and the dog/BSG learns that this kind of activity is OK.

so we must train the BSG like animals. the very second even the slightest BSG activity is detected, act swiftly and fiercely.
tell the man/woman: NO!!!!!
use a loud, commanding tone here, or else the BSG will not fear or respect you.
stand tall and use your arms to make your body appear as big as possible, so the BSG sees you as a dominant predator.

if the BSG does not respond to NO! ,then you must use the call out:
YOU ARE A BACK-SEAT GAMER AND THAT IS NOT TOLERATED HERE!!

at this point you must stop playing the game and stare into the eyes of the offender. a deep unshakable stare will say more to the BSG ego than your words can. it communicates an ancient ingrained alpha message.

it is crucial to keep the game suspended at this stage. resuming the game under the duress of the backseat gamer is positive reinforcement for them. in fact its the only thing they crave. a 'resume' should only be granted when the BSG is clearly submissive and compunctious.

sadly, because of the nature of the BSG delusion, this stage usually results in an uncomfortable burst of emotion from the BSG. this could take the form of insult-flinging, tantrums, and in some cases physical confrontation.

continue suspension of play. use commands like:
I AM PLAYING THIS GAME. IF YOU CANT HANDLE THAT THEN LEAVE.
or
YOU HAVE LOST YOUR PRIVILEGES TO SPEAK DURING THIS GAMEPLAY.
or
YOU HAVE NOW LOST YOUR TURN AT PLAYING THIS GAME
or
YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING BUT YOU DONT. YOU ARE JUST A BACK SEAT GAMER. I AM HAVING FUN AND YOU ARE RUINING IT.

because the BSG is essentially a brute, sometimes he/she will attempt to take the controller away from you. in this case you must stand firm and retain your possession.
it is a good idea to growl now or make a loud primal vocalization.

do this even if the game or system is the BSG's own property. by breaking the gamer code, he has forfeited his rights of dictatorship over his games. this condition is only neutralized when all other gamers have left the premises for 1 hour. or if he tells his mother, in which case a temporary asylum will be granted for 30 minutes.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

From MY

Sunday, November 14, 2010

a treatise on the state of the female sex's mental state

having to deal with men all their lives makes women crazy.

we make women crazy. and yet its not any one of our faults. its the collective and total effect of all men.

exposure to penises is like lead poisoning.
all the lead/penis* that women are exposed to in life builds up and forms blockages that make these victims suffer from mental debilitation.
*penis meaning the general actions of man as motivated by said organ

neither one of our sexes will truly be understanding toward the other, because we love our own ways of thinking too much. we are used to our instinctual roles that still subtly motivate all of our decisions.

if we were still in caves it would be no problem. but we have to reconcile these base desires with the society we have created. a society that says we are better than this hunting and breeding. we can be learners and builders of better things.

to return to my main point. we, men, have vague ideas about what women want. but we ignore that in favor of securing what we want. the toxin here is that we are dishonest about it. and often feel like we must trick women into thinking we are what they want when really thats not something we want to be.

EVERY TIME WE APPROACH A WOMAN it is the start of a gross conspiracy. a web of deceit designed to procure the companionship of one of these majestic creatures. and if we are successful with that poison injection, relationship to follow is the dose that brings the woman's brain to lethal levels of toxicity.

needless to say, repeated rounds of this treatment leads to severe neurological disorders in women.
the woman's brain is now warped like a rat who has been through literally thousands of pavlovian experiments.
she wants to trust her instincts, but those have proven wrong time and again. she wants to trust what she's learned, but the men seem to organically mutate new methods like an alien virus. that is because we are natural hunters. and we will cover ourselves in any kind of piss to best our prey.

so how do we save the females? how do we preserve their sanity and subsequently the human race?

we must stop hitting on women. stop initiating conversations. stop pursuing sex and love. this is difficult and seems to go against every fiber of human interaction and procreation. it is indeed drastic, but it is a prescription for desperate times.

but maybe its more natural than we think. 1st of all its easy. you just have to sit back and be yourself. be a man. be the best man. achieve. have fun with other men and form groups. have competition between these groups. this builds character.
be a fully realized man whose concern is not the worry of being a virgin.

you will not be a virgin. in exercising this technique, the women will come to men of their own accord. then the human race can resume its great journey of expansion and universal domination with a clean slate and stronger members.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

AEROPLANE electro band

these guys rock




Thursday, October 14, 2010

dead milkmen ULTiMiX

here!
\

JOE JACK TALCUM was awesome last night.
he did some great milkmen numbers. 'i hate you i love you' is standing out in my mind as a grand moment right now.
his voice is perfect and aged in a way that enhanced his gritty tones and left the clean whiny ones untouched. total eargasm.

oh his band (members of Samuel Lock Ward and the boo hoos) really kicked ass too. and their set before he came out was very fun.

this mix is my personal favorites - not really the mix you might see on one of their comps.
heavy on the melodic stuff.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

good band: wallpaper

heard this song in h&m.
apparently the internet has had much trouble finding out who the artist was.


its a band called wallpaper
the 'Fine Girlfriend' song is from their album doodoo face.
i've listened to album many times now.
im def buying the vinyl asap.








she the hot lava that i wanna be touching
burnin on my finger and she dont give a freak about that

but i dont give damns i just keep steppin
steppin on the mama that be thinkin she outta my reach

well she's not
no

i've got to find myself a fine girlfriend
i've got to find myself a fine girlfriend
i've got to find myself a f

she peaced me out cuz im too good lookin
too well dressed and makin real money now

i got a good job that pays under the table
that means they dont be takin them taxes out

save up some cash we can go on some dates
split it down the middle cuz i dont know if i like u yet

ohh im just sayin
i've got to find myself a fine girlfriend

i've got to find myself

Sunday, September 12, 2010

hooray for mr belvedere

a fun song from the awesome ryan8bit and his 2010 bionic commando album

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

loldobe

installing cs5 suite at work. this made it reeeaally easy..

especially when i had to select items from unreadable pulldown menus

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

trololololol

i drew this in blue dog  cafe

Thursday, August 26, 2010

DLR!

i keep looking for songs on utube and not finding them
so i keep uploading them myself

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

battle k-road demo music

i am procrastinating tonight!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

quick blog notes

1. 'mamma mi scusi' AKA 'mama i'm sorry' AKA 'crystal forever' AKA 'game over from salamander' is beautiful.
but did konami really write it? the titling seems like they lifted it, but there's just no info on the web that i've found yet.

2. the seventies should have been called the cheventies.

TouHou / ZUN ultimate mix for traffic curtain

here!

i worked on this for a  long time.
this is a very difficult series of gst to find the best cuts.
all the songs are good in their own right, but the slammin bunches are not obvious if you are quickly previewing songs. you have to listen to it all to discover the gems.

you dont have to be a fan of this game series to like this music, which is what i used to think.

read more....after the jump below!

Monday, August 16, 2010

i will feast on your history tonight

updates coming soon

Monday, August 2, 2010

Phil Collins / genesis ultimate dance party mix

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.
here!!!
!

 !
another  earth shattering playlist full of delicious 80s ness.

this time with good ol philllll colllllllins (best known for tarzan and having nice cheeks)

Monday, July 26, 2010

get to da choppa ceteREMIX

ispired by the shizz (as always) and of course 1 of my fav movies evar: predator

and this ytmnd posted by mig50 of phoenix

i made it a little more hi fi,
added some snare and kick to make it really danceable,
and looped it a million times because it should

get to da choppa ceteREMIX

.
.awesome
.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

steve winwood ultimix

.
.
.here

shizz inspired mix.
who's ready to dance.
.
.

too bad my i killed my gf

metal slug ulti-mix

i  made made this mix before my blog was the place to post stuff.

here you go . eric dude approved it so what are u waiting for

Friday, July 23, 2010

Silver Jews UltiMix

here

silver jews are a band i really dig. they are indie-alt-country i guess.
not too much to say here. i love how clever and original david berman's lyrics are. and i love his 'soulful' singing.

this mix puts up front, imo, their catchiest and most moving songs.

i have to thank andy and kali for getting me into this band years ago.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

why dont you try hard, huh?


















i actually got to level 4 of donpachi today with 2 lives left. i'm getting a little better at it. level 4 is an onslaught though.

also for posterity

Friday, July 16, 2010

external combustion engine



the 'discuss' is just part of the funny


.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

hats off to hot topic!

the 'hot topic!' by my new place is closing and i haven't even been here that long. still got it i guess.

they are having a cracking sale until next saturday. the place looks like that one street in robocop where everybody is looting like crazy. then clarence pulls up with military weaponry and blows up his buddy's new car.

i bought this shirt for next to nothing just to take this pic.

i spoke with the staff and we found it prudent to have a little closing party for the place.
i reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally hope we do.

potato surprise

this is how a bachelor eats

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

theshizz.org prelim poster

today i've been really missing all the cool people that i met and observed in phoenix.
flame on, you cherry pop roxxors.

click for 'awesome res'


click awesome res.

girls have eyes in the back of their head

when you stare at the back of a chick's head, they can tell.
you know that right?
and if they think you're staring, they won't let you know.
they pretend like they don't notice you, but really they are aware of every moment your gaze is on them.

its not just good peripheral vision, they know when someone's looking - without seeing the looker.
they will usually verify their suspicion with a subtle side glance from time to time.

it's a strange phenomenon.
i believe it is a talent all girls share, but girls who get looked at more often, the stereotypical foxes, they are better at it.

i'm sure the  girls you know could elaborate, but they won't.
it's girls! mutant power.
and it's the most powerful of their many secrets.



it does have some weaknesses.
1. dark sunglasses
these dont make you immune, but once they see you have them, they will stop checking you as vigorously. it sort of diffuses them, i guess because they cant be 100% sure.
2. mirrors
amusingly enough, mirrors are a very effective trick here.
the girl will feel the stare, and even check you, but it will appear to them that you are looking in a different direction. you might even see them start to scan for hidden men.
but they don't usually check mirrors. if they happen to see the mirror and you, the jig is up.

the mirror phenomenon is interesting because it tells us that indeed it is not the sight of another's eyes in their field of vision. else, they would look right at the set of eyes in the mirror. but instead they look to the human whom they suspect must be looking.

 EDIT::
wow, i started this a couple months ago just as some bullshit ryantific rantage.
then i read this.
its an actual paper on the subject! fairly extensive.

it presents quite a bit of evidence  about the phenomenon. animals and twins and 9 year old boys seem to be best at it.

however the conclusion was: inconclusive. the experiments could not prove that there was something going on that science has not accounted for ...yet.

i think i will continue doing my own experiments. staring at girls in the gas station. see how long it takes before they see what i look like and then instinctively run away.

todd

From screencaps

Monday, July 12, 2010

castlevania X6800 music sample

you havent rocked to vampire killer this hard in a long time, buddy.

-i prefer this synth set to the one found on utube. FM FTW

-also i fucked with it to make it more blastable. for an accurate rip, check the internet

Monday, July 5, 2010

daryl hall - the street fighter!




hall and oates forever

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Total Recall nintendo remix

some craZy d00d made a remix of a song from the NES game totall recall

featuring mick jagger!
http://theshizz.org/forum/index.php?/topic/32387-total-recall-remix-by-cetera/

credit goes to curudagor aka titty bar for the idea


Friday, July 2, 2010

To catch a predator, Deus ex machina!

i often wonder what it would be like to get busted on TCAP.
i always feel so sorry for those pedophiles for some reason.
like, my mind isnt able to look at them through the glass of their implied crimes.
all i see is a lonely guy who gets completely humiliated.


trying to put myself in the pedo's shoes.

pondering the question: is there a cool way to go about getting caught on that show?

like, when you see chris hansen and you know the jig is up. is there a way to play it off that would make you the protagonist?

maybe just completely try to take control of the situation.
1st off, don't take any of his shit. he tries to alpha dog you so hard and he thinks he can get away with it every time.
i feel like it would really throw him off if you beat him in a battle of wits.

then you move to the kitchen where you avail yourself of the most expensive stuff they have.
i imagine the kitchen is stocked to some capacity so the pedos have something to do while the cameras and cops move in. if you could hook up some wine and even caviar, you would look like a smooth operator.

maybe even take it up a level and actually pull out your cocaine and spoon some up.
then slide over to the stereo and blast some bolton. you would definitely be starting to enjoy this date, however ill-fated it may be.


now, this whole time, chris is going to be talking at you. trying to frame you as a crazy person. don't let him. you have to talk to him. and keep it up.
say existential things. blow his and the audience's mind with the deepest stuff you can dig up.
give him questions but don't let him answer too elaborately. if he turns an answer into an insult to you.
you can belittle him by saying that you knew he wasn't cultured enough negotiate such a mental gymnastic.


but the good times will eventually end and they will move on you.
this is where you have to truly become raper james bond.

you are in a house surrounded by cops. and there are cops in the basement and 2nd floor.
there is also a beautiful girl upstairs who is their prisoner. she needs you, james. she's the innocent one in all this. someone has to pay and god help them if they think they are getting off clean. today is a good day to die. but first, there will flow rivers of red.

you move back to the kitchen where, whilst you were preparing your nosh, you also located all the kitchen materials that could be used to make a roaring fire. consult the internet for the exact recipes. i'm sure there are plenty.

if people are attempting to close in at this point,
you wield your concoction like an absolute loon and put everyone on their guard.
the next step is to open the back door wide. but don't leave. there are still cops there.
now you make your fire right in that doorway.

now back into the house. cops may be entering the front now.
now carefully pull out your pistol. (you wouldn't do anything illegal whilst unarmed, right?)

hold your pistol at ease; pointing at the ceiling with arm bent. the gun should be parallel to your head.
if you look like you are pointing the gun at a cop, you will die. game over.
but having it out like this will cause them to halt their advance. they will be telling you to drop the weapon. do not respond.


this next part is hard.
you are going upstairs.
there are 2 cops upstairs. 3 at the most.
you might see one as you climb. shoot him or her in the brain.
at the top of the stairs, you have a good spot to cover and take out the next very surprised cop.
at the same time cover your back by shooting down the stairs.
yell 'nobody come up here, i  just need to think. i wont hurt anybody'

use cover and stealth to find any remaining cops on this floor and efficiently murder them.

your prize is waiting in the bathroom.
hold out your hand to her. when she takes it, bend down and kiss hers.
then beckon her to hop on your back. she will.
tell her to play along.

yell 'i'm coming down'
you need to hold behind her head with your free hand.
and point the gun at her head with the other.
yell 'nobody try anything, and she lives'

carefully make your way to the back door.
magically, the fire has been  extinguished. all the cops back there have moved to the front of the building.
you are free to run out there, put your princess down and steal one of the idling cop cars.

now that would be a good episode.

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

flava crissles

ima sell meth and call it flava crissles

Thursday, June 3, 2010

band name 001

free crack no cops



...put a couple of those flyers up the day of the show + you will play before 200 people

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

singers: quit

*this post is mainly about people with big catchy hit songs*

i hate it when singers cant hit their own high notes live.

yea, i know theres like 20 reasons why this cant always happen.
but i think the only real excuse is having a temporary throat problem.

why is this such a big deal?

most people go to your shows to hear a couple songs.
within those songs, is something like a magical chorus, where on the album or radio, there was a hair-raising vocal recording; one that often pushed the singer's limits. but the result was a timeless singalong.

essentially, people are coming to the show to feel that hair stand up in a sublime way. to feel those notes coming out of you into them. it really is wonderful to behold when it happens.


so when you can't or won't hit these key notes, you are cheating the fans out of their greatest wish.
they might not have even watched your show if they knew ahead of time that you couldnt deliver this simple thing.


you singers think you can fool people with a well-placed falsetto, or singing an alternate melody a bit lower in the scale.
sometimes you  have a backup singer do it and you harmonize or improv over them. this method is not as horrible because at least the notes will be sung and heard. but this method still sucks if you like to take in to the live recordings.

they audience notices it, and a black mark is made in their mind. a betrayal.
most people won't have enough musical experience to know exactly why, but they know something is off.

but its not a deal-breaker for them. and this is what you bank on. you gave them a show. you gave them a bunch of songs where you did hit the notes. just not the ones you faked on the record.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Forever Young (rake)


mustard memories

Friday, May 21, 2010

idea 001

the next time i meet someone's parents, i wanna act all crazy.
say really rude shit to them and any of this friend's siblings.
then just run out the door and into the wild.
away from their house.

in this way, you can avoid having a relationship with people's parents.
nothing good ever comes from these.
all you get for being nice is sitting through really boring conversations or worse, family gatherings or meals. they might even ask you for favors.
this is to be avoided.

these people dont care about you. but they will use you without hesitation.
dont fall into the trap.

this goes for in-laws-to-be as well. especially so!
you will save yourself a lifetime of pain.
you might have to do 1 funeral. but thats it.

your friends might be mad at you for this.
but beauty part is: they will forgive you quickly because they know you're not usually a dick like this. 
and if they really hold a grudge, fuck them.
no-one should like their parents more than you.

:)

the REAL reason for global warming

the REAL reason for global warming is one click away....
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Friday, April 23, 2010

colin blunstone. ultimate rainy day best happy mix

if u love the zombies, then u prolly like colin blunstone's voice.
i personally get a little drunk off of it.
that high british range, and then it drops down to the smoothest of tones in an instant.

he did a bunch of solo albums. a lot of typical early 70s singer/songwriter vibe.
there is a ton of stuff i thought was boring. but also a stack of brilliant numbers.
so i collected the gems into this zip.

here is my mix

i say rainy day here, but i've listened to this when its not raining and its still good.
its just that his overall sound lends itself to a certain mood.
theres some upbeat stuff. but none of it ever crosses into straight rockin.
it always has his '70s emo' voice, and what i've come to know as his signature melodies/progressions - many of which you can hear in the zombies as well.




.

Monday, March 22, 2010

hall and oates mix COMPLETION

here is the normal mix of "kiss.."
with lossless volume normalization so it fits with the others.

drop this into the master mix.
it will not replace the old one. (i changed its playlist position too)

delete the old one which will be a few songs before this new one in the file list.

Friday, February 19, 2010

fuck cgi

i'm so done with cg, dudes.
i just rarely give 2 fucks about whatever is portrayed with it.
just because you CAN show it, doesnt mean i want it.

spend some more money and show me just a little something.
make it something you really wanna show.
the rule of thumb is: if its not important enough to spend the money doing with analog effects, then it doesnt need to be in the movie.


the philosophy of 'with cg, you can show extra things that would have other wise been left out or just impossible' is dead wrong imo.
too often, movies have been flooding me with meaningless moments.
'cameras' spiraling across vast landscapes or impossibly elaborate buildings. zooming around every corner.
or 'matrixing' around little details frozen in time during some action. then accelerating back to real-time.
guess what:
none of it fucking impresses me anymore.
a massive sworm of randomized copies of the same bat makes my boner try to escape thru my ass. 


its not sublime. its fake. not just cuz its an effect. because i'm mortal. mortals dont see things that way. gods do. i want to be a man and experience things like a man. not like some cyber-bird on crack.

so all you directors out there who are frothing and chomping at the bit to make your movie and pump it full of cg miracle grow: just stop.
quit.
you have no understanding of humanity.
you have lost touch with good movie making along with the hordes of your contemporaries. and i'm calling you out as hacks.
go home.

UPDATE FROM MY COMMENT:
using it to create a simple background that saves major money is acceptable.

but it does bother me when the actors have to work in a greenscreen environment.
its getting to the point where you can tell they were having trouble feeling the moment.
i think actors should have that privilege most of the time. actors are expected to work blind so much now. i see it as a slap in the face to their art.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

baby boomers mooching on me

i'm getting tired of explaining every little thing to my coworkers.
over and over.  and they've been doing this job since before i was born.
ever since computers took over, they have absolutely no understanding or ability to learn without constant grinding and dog-training. they take notes and never consult them. or they forget which note is relevant. if something requires any interactive care, where the solution might be many steps, they just can't handle it and it gets dumped on me. or it gets done wrong and i have to redo it.
its getting to the point where i am more short and rude with them. or really stern sounding like a disciplinary father. its incredibly frustrating. the work isnt even that hard. and i'm not all that smart. these people are only working here because the bosses are in the same boat. they will stick together until they can all retire and then further rely on me to take care of them at home.


Tuesday, February 16, 2010

poster : two crude

just threw this together.

click for big. i think

or click here
http://sites.google.com/site/jagslap/2crudedudes.png?attredirects=0&d=1




Sunday, February 7, 2010

the only hall and oates mix you'll ever need

UPDATE!!!!!!!!
oh guess what everyone!
that kiss on my list mix suxxxxxxxxxxx
i have to fix this now

original post:
wow i spent several hours on this

read on>>>>>>>>>>>

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

new tattoo!

From Blogger Pictures
yea i think someone else has 2a03 but i'm pretty sure they dont have the expansion.
fuck it. i wish everyone had 2a03 anyhows

more>>>>>>>>>>

Saturday, January 30, 2010

synchronicity 01

From Blogger Pictures



allow me to take u on a journey of a typical day living inside destiny's egg.
click this button that says engage-


Monday, January 25, 2010

for me this is special

was at my moms waiting to go to sushi bar to eat my retard rolls.
she was making me wait whilst she tried to hint at my cousin that it might be too soon to marry a dude.

anyhoo, i crept up to my step bro's old room.
got on the computer that we used to play on circa 2001-2004.
a sweet gateway that i had upgraded for gaming. so much great times. painkiller! jedi outcast!  UT2003-2004! farcry! RTCW! AVP 1+2!  i like FPS GAMES!

its all messed up now. endless VM being used. the monitor is burnt out at the top or something.

i had a pretty up to date MAME collection back then. i was proud to have all the games that had cool screenshots. i even used to check the wip and get the new stuff that was 'working' in each release. fun.

more after the jump blah blah

Friday, January 22, 2010

Thursday, January 21, 2010

brokencyde is actually pretty good

lolwat?!!
ja i said it.
i am a fan of brokencyde.
i just popped in their latest album again (i'm not a fan...2009) and thoroughly enjoyed myself.
not only that, but i hope they go all the way and that music follows them into the future.
here is a nailgun for you all to use on me.

i am no writer. i can write things with words that sometimes people can read.
this is why i have chosen blog as my medium.
if you are expecting a review here that can stand and be counted with other reviews, and then rebutted or picked apart, you may be let down here.
thompson had gonzo. think of this as skeet.

more after the jump!!

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