The home of Cetera Noir and his band Die Hard Cafe

Sunday, November 28, 2010

a treatise on the reformation of back seat gamers

originally from theshizz.org

Back-seat-gaming, or BSG, is a scourge on mankind that should never be allowed to continue.
BSG is a disgrace to humanity as an enlightened and superior being, and moreover it is a violation of the sacred gamer code of conduct.
we must never let the BSG win.
and it is our shizzie duty as leaders to teach them - however harsh a lesson it may be.

the BSG must be reformed to join polite society and recognize that group gaming is about sharing.
sharing is a lesson taught in kindergarten. but there are many who never actually understand it. these people become the bullies, transients, and psychopaths of the world. BSG is just one manifestation of their disease.

from now on, we must be open and honest about BSG. we must talk about it with our friends and family.
this means looking past social courtesies and avoidance of drama with a greater good in mind.
sometimes being a trailblazer is a thankless job. and many of us may fall into martyrdom in this war.

if BSG is happening, it is imperative that it is a called out before it has a chance to propagate.
BSG are like dogs. they bark to get what they want naturally, but if the bark is left unchecked or unpunished, a precedent is established and the dog/BSG learns that this kind of activity is OK.

so we must train the BSG like animals. the very second even the slightest BSG activity is detected, act swiftly and fiercely.
tell the man/woman: NO!!!!!
use a loud, commanding tone here, or else the BSG will not fear or respect you.
stand tall and use your arms to make your body appear as big as possible, so the BSG sees you as a dominant predator.

if the BSG does not respond to NO! ,then you must use the call out:
YOU ARE A BACK-SEAT GAMER AND THAT IS NOT TOLERATED HERE!!

at this point you must stop playing the game and stare into the eyes of the offender. a deep unshakable stare will say more to the BSG ego than your words can. it communicates an ancient ingrained alpha message.

it is crucial to keep the game suspended at this stage. resuming the game under the duress of the backseat gamer is positive reinforcement for them. in fact its the only thing they crave. a 'resume' should only be granted when the BSG is clearly submissive and compunctious.

sadly, because of the nature of the BSG delusion, this stage usually results in an uncomfortable burst of emotion from the BSG. this could take the form of insult-flinging, tantrums, and in some cases physical confrontation.

continue suspension of play. use commands like:
I AM PLAYING THIS GAME. IF YOU CANT HANDLE THAT THEN LEAVE.
or
YOU HAVE LOST YOUR PRIVILEGES TO SPEAK DURING THIS GAMEPLAY.
or
YOU HAVE NOW LOST YOUR TURN AT PLAYING THIS GAME
or
YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING BUT YOU DONT. YOU ARE JUST A BACK SEAT GAMER. I AM HAVING FUN AND YOU ARE RUINING IT.

because the BSG is essentially a brute, sometimes he/she will attempt to take the controller away from you. in this case you must stand firm and retain your possession.
it is a good idea to growl now or make a loud primal vocalization.

do this even if the game or system is the BSG's own property. by breaking the gamer code, he has forfeited his rights of dictatorship over his games. this condition is only neutralized when all other gamers have left the premises for 1 hour. or if he tells his mother, in which case a temporary asylum will be granted for 30 minutes.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

From MY

Sunday, November 14, 2010

a treatise on the state of the female sex's mental state

having to deal with men all their lives makes women crazy.

we make women crazy. and yet its not any one of our faults. its the collective and total effect of all men.

exposure to penises is like lead poisoning.
all the lead/penis* that women are exposed to in life builds up and forms blockages that make these victims suffer from mental debilitation.
*penis meaning the general actions of man as motivated by said organ

neither one of our sexes will truly be understanding toward the other, because we love our own ways of thinking too much. we are used to our instinctual roles that still subtly motivate all of our decisions.

if we were still in caves it would be no problem. but we have to reconcile these base desires with the society we have created. a society that says we are better than this hunting and breeding. we can be learners and builders of better things.

to return to my main point. we, men, have vague ideas about what women want. but we ignore that in favor of securing what we want. the toxin here is that we are dishonest about it. and often feel like we must trick women into thinking we are what they want when really thats not something we want to be.

EVERY TIME WE APPROACH A WOMAN it is the start of a gross conspiracy. a web of deceit designed to procure the companionship of one of these majestic creatures. and if we are successful with that poison injection, relationship to follow is the dose that brings the woman's brain to lethal levels of toxicity.

needless to say, repeated rounds of this treatment leads to severe neurological disorders in women.
the woman's brain is now warped like a rat who has been through literally thousands of pavlovian experiments.
she wants to trust her instincts, but those have proven wrong time and again. she wants to trust what she's learned, but the men seem to organically mutate new methods like an alien virus. that is because we are natural hunters. and we will cover ourselves in any kind of piss to best our prey.

so how do we save the females? how do we preserve their sanity and subsequently the human race?

we must stop hitting on women. stop initiating conversations. stop pursuing sex and love. this is difficult and seems to go against every fiber of human interaction and procreation. it is indeed drastic, but it is a prescription for desperate times.

but maybe its more natural than we think. 1st of all its easy. you just have to sit back and be yourself. be a man. be the best man. achieve. have fun with other men and form groups. have competition between these groups. this builds character.
be a fully realized man whose concern is not the worry of being a virgin.

you will not be a virgin. in exercising this technique, the women will come to men of their own accord. then the human race can resume its great journey of expansion and universal domination with a clean slate and stronger members.