911 truth. the rant.

i've been super frustrated with all things "truth" lately

back in like 2004 i saw some light 911 weirdness videos online. i was like wtf? and kind of scared but thrilled.
then i saw loose change and i was luck WTFFF??! scared, thrilled, and angry.
then i saw alex jones' MARTIAL LAW. it was so powerful to me. i believed everything. my life was changed.

thats when things stopped being fun.

i started listening to Alex's radio show, and watching more conspiracy videos on every possible subject.
i was in full TRUTHER mode.
thats when i started having problems.
•when i tried to tell the people that i loved and convert them to my thinking, they would say hmm interesting but really take no interest. or they would believe the evidence but never embrace it because they were afraid of what people would think of them.
•when i tried to tell the people that i respected, they would quickly shoot me down with solid counter-arguments. i had already spent so long gathering my initial arguments, that it took me too long to find a rebuttal for them. big time fail.
•when i tried to tell the public IRL via activism, i was laughed at.
•i met a girl who was completely into conspiracy stuff, she was hot, but she turned out to be kind of not fun to hang out with unless you were talking about truth stuff and then she would spout off stuff in a cross-eyed fashion. in fact most of the people who did listen to me were generally horrible.
•i watched ron paul get completely jokified in BRUNO.
it was a weird turning point, because up until then i always had this internal struggle, namely: why am i supporting someone whose written ideas i like most of but the real life version of them is laughable far from who i am. then i thought about how much of what i wanted ron paul to be was actually just projected by my own subconscious.
•then alex jones' OWN false flag ops started to get to me. and not just his but various conspiracy people that i followed. there would always be a new scare. enough to keep you paranoid and living in fear for sure. i found myself printing out manuals and burning discs and stashing them and looking out the window at night expecting mushroom clouds.

i got pretty discouraged. and when i started getting pretty heavy into making music, my fervor completely faded.
it takes a lot of time and effort being a truther. you gotta get up every day and read the articles. and you gotta know all of world history. then you gotta know all of ACTUAL history. and you gotta have obscure articles ready to reference because everything on wikipedia is innocuous.
staying on top of this is impossible for a guy like me who didn't pay attention in history class, and can't even memorize his own song lyrics.

the understood thing here is that the government is a tool of the elite who seek dominate and use the common person. i still believe this. i don't trust the federal government for a second on any issue. i don't believe that they care for me at all. why should they? how does fighting for middle class help them ever? it's the least lucrative endeavor.
i watched the movement grow from the sidelines. i was happy that they didn't need me to still do their thing.
but it felt like things weren't turning around.
how could they?
when you have a war on against you, no matter how mad and pumped you are, you can't ever hope to win the war if you have no actual battles to fight.
our anger makes us formidable and that's why the USA could fight the british or whatever. that's why mass rebellions can be powerful against egotistical rulers.

we fought and won against outright tyranny, so thats not how our current oppressors operate.
they have mastered the incremental approach. they don't even need to do anything, really, except feed money into a machine that seeks to dominate itself: the human race. subsidize weakness and stupidity, and they become the norm.
why should they round up people into camps, when we already want to live in high-rise complexes where we have no control over the thermostat?
it's hard to cite good examples, because everything you isolate and present seems small. that is by design. we have no argument for ourselves, because nothing has been done to us. all the astute person can do is look at how we live and compare it to how we used to live and say WTF.
and then look again at modern life and realize that the only way out is to get completely off the grid. don't play the game if they control the rules.

my peace of mind has been a lot higher since i basically stopped caring about what happens to me. i admit defeat right now.
i know i made some noise a while back about our ways of participating in the political system being obsolete. i feel it now more than ever.
every time i see someone say "write your congressperson" or "call your local officials office and let them know…" …i fucking want to puke. it takes me 2 years to even write my GRANDMOM. i can't stand the fact that those are our means. signing petitions and gathering on the corner with signs, looking like complete assholes. i want to laugh and cry. i see how people can be empowered using the internet, and i see just how much of that power is missing when it comes to our own lives.
don't think for a second that congress even has to exist anymore. why would it?? the only argument is that people are too stupid to decide anything for themselves. that sounds good on the surface, but i don't think it holds any water in the long run.